Happy Reformation Day!

Today, we have a special holiday edition of the Daily Shirt.

I know what you're thinking. The Shirtmaster must be utterly hardcore, to be making a post on this particular holiday...the brisk mid-autumn celebration when all the children dress up as spooky monsters to celebrate Martin Luther's nailing of his '95 Theses' to the church doors at Wittenberg, Germany in 1517. Wow...that takes me back... I remember that my favourite Reformation Day costume was that of an indulgent sinner. The crazy wig; the insane, over-sized shoes; the nipple clamps... Those were the days...

Now a days, it's all blood and gore for this 'Halloween' business - as the liberal, mainstream media insists on calling it (do those liberals ever stop spinning important religious events into secular heresy??) So fine. We'll play their game...right up until the rapture steals us away to spend the rest of eternity with our heavenly father, Santa Claus.

Today's Daily Shirt is tribute to blood, vomit and possession. It's a salute to saying swears and diabolical contortions.

I don't think this is what Martin Luther had in mind...

Not a product of Florida

Well what do we have here? Looks like another week of Daily Shirt madness... Or a pair of scissors. Nope, pretty sure it's the first one...

Today's Daily Shirt is yet another regular on the grocery store tabloid scene. Not for his marriage or the ending of such (well, actually, that's not totally accurate...), nor is he such a high-profile performer that folks are simply glued to their star-following magazines and TV shows to follow his petulent star-tacular behaviour.

Here we have yet another recognisable mug riding the tide of glories 30-plus years past, and an infamous incident from just over 10 years ago. Now, I wasn't there to help murder his wife, so I'm not going to posit a guilty or innocent judgement; but many feel that a botched police and prosecution job resulted in today's Daily Shirt enjoying a life of freedom and shirtiness...as opposed to, umm, unfreedom and disshirtyness. Yup. Those are the ones.

Between then he was an actor, spokesperson and television sports commentator.

But now, he just shows up on covers of gossip rags. That, and today's Daily Shirt.

Could a stretch of highway be next?

Dadgum this Blogulator!

While the Shirtmaster managed to get the Song Title Of The Day updated eh-oh-kay on the yesterday, there wasn't a blasted thing that I could do get the new pic of the Shirted One up for internetular consumption. Sorry folks. Just wasn't happening.

But today is a whole new day, with fresh, unexpected horrors awaiting us all! Isn't it exciting? It's like an Xmas of Misfortune; all the children gathered around a tree decorated with woe and sorrow, unwrapping gifts of future disease and loss, rage and sadness...

But if you're that one special, one-in-a-billion-odd-beating child that just went home with today's Daily Shirt, than amid the ample gifts of personal tragedy and heartache, there might be a Playstation 3 to off-set the inevitable misery. May seem like a small consolation, but when you're a kid, a PS3 is a reasonable counterweight.

So, here's to you, today's Daily Shirt, for your controversial gesture!

Did one of these fix Blogger?

Well thanks, Blogger.

When I come in in the morning, all I want to do is check out MTTS, Cynaide & Happiness and the others, and bang out a Daily Shirt post before getting down to work. I'm a busy guy with busy guy stuff to do.

So when I could barely log in, and then NOT navigate around and update this and the Song Title... blog, well, let's just say that I thought alot of unhappy thoughts that would have made Baby Jesus cry...if he was here...and wasn't a fictional character...and had tear-ducts.

Anyway, it seems that Blogger works again, since I'm type, type, typing away and just about to post a pic of today's Daily Shirt...

Wait for it...

Now!

The Shatner of a new generation

That's what today's Daily Shirt reminds me of; and it honestly makes the show he's in unwatchable to this Shirtmaster.

Much the same way Shatner wrecked his (already screwey) show.

So, this is one of those deflating Daily Shirt's. Kinda meant to take the wind out of some kind of implied self-importance. And I'm sure to someone he's important; maybe a parent, a spouse or pet, or even a few million television watchers who like to identify with fictional characters, get lost over-blown plotlines that dramatise boring (or at least unsexy) jobs like lab workers and forensic pathology type people.

Yes, I know; life is what you make of it. But I'm pretty sure that the world's labs aren't staffed exclusively by beautiful people, and have electronic music pumped in - that oddly enough, tends to match the activities ongoing. Take note that confused and concentrating lab personnel means slower, darker pieces while 'steps away from a breakthrough that will tidly wind up an hour-long episode' brings with it, energetic, up-tempo music.

I wish my office was like that. Then I'd always know just how hard to work...

Calling element 50

SCREAM! ...
as Today's Daily Shirt can be melted to iron, if he isn't careful!

AMAZE! ...
as he can become a superconductor at just under 4 degrees (Kelvin)!

YAWN WITH BOREDOM! ...
to learn that he'd turn white if warmed above 13.2 degrees Celsius!

CONSIDER SURFING TO ANOTHER PAGE! ...
at the knowledge that he is the most tonally resonant of all metals!

WISH THAT I WOULD JUST SHUT UP AND POST THE STUPID PICTURE! ...
when you find out that there's speculation that his name was borrowed from pre-Indo-European language!

What a hassel

Funny thing about celebrity; much like lego, one can never have quite enough. Unlike lego, though, celebrity doesn't fit up your nose. But like lego, celebrity is an artifical construct; a scaled representation of reality consisting of pieces that fit perfectly and effortlessly together. But, unlike lego, celebrity doesn't have those weird crescent-moon shaped hands.

But anyhoo... Another funny thing about 'celebrity' the concept, is it's druglike quality. For many folks of dubious talent, once they get that hit of fame - getting recognised in the street, strangers wanting them to sign something, people giving them free stuff - it's a constant pursuit. It's keeping it going. It's maintaining that status to jump queues at clubs, being the famous schmoe that is a featured attraction at supermarket grand openings and generally getting unwarranted attention just because you've got a mug that people you don't know happen to recognise.

And today's Daily Shirt is just such a pursuer. There was a hit (but stupid show) in the 80's, there was a MASSIVE hit (thanks to girls in bathing suits) in the 90's, and there's an incipid singing career. By rights, this buddy should have enjoyed his moment in the gaudy 80's sun and been politely but firmly ushered into a comfortable oblivon of 'hey weren't you on that one show way back when...?' But no, he just finished up another immensely popular television program ("America's Got Too Much Time On It's Hands To Be Watching Garbage Like This" was the name, I believe) and most likely isn't done yet.

Much like the Chuck Norris phenomenon, Shirty's head is a combination of past reputation meeting a whole new generation looking for kitsch in a new medium.

And what the mob wants, the mob gets; and apparently it's not about to 'hassle the hoff' at this juncture.

Nothing to see here, friends; just keep fiddling...

No monster left behind

It was a strange feeling to realise that yesterday's Daily Shirt and today's Daily Shirt are related.

Not by blood or marriage - or even by species, for that matter, but related by vehicle.

I don't know how it happened. One moment, Shirty and I are browsing google images to see who it wants to be, and the next thing we all know, Shirty is sporting an utter monstrosity (no, it's not the No Child Left Behind Act for a face...though that would be positively surreal).

So...yeah. Maybe this is a good metaphor for west-coast liberalism that's fraying the social fabric of America which Arnie is fighting as governer? Well, regardless of the lamewad sound-byte attached-as-metaphor we affix to this, it remains that today's head will at the very least wreck your future, if not kill and eat you...just like the No Child Left Behind Act!

Guns and buttah!

Time for another episode of nobody's favourite blog! Is nobody ready? Than let's not go!

Today's Daily Shirt is quite the character. He was a body-building freak turned action-movie star turned...ummm...Republican governor of California.

(As a side note, of all the crazy things I've ever written, thought or said, that last sentence is probably up there in the top 2% of Most Insane Nuttery. My fingers are still in shock.)

Well, I know what you're thinking, and no, there probably isn't a planet out there in space that's made entirely of butterscotch pudding. But I also know about the other thing you're thinking, and I have to say that you're lucky that there aren't any thought police - yet. But further down the ladder of things you're thinking, I know about how you're thinking that I've probably spoiled the fun associated with reading this mania but not usually giving away too obviously who the head on Shirty is. You're thinking that I've totally ruined today's Daily Shirt, and that I should just shut up and get on with it.

And you'd be right.

Hey, hey, hey is for horses, colts and bucks

Today's Daily Shirt is another childhood relic - being a fixture at the Shirtmaster household on Saturday mornings for years!

Unfortunately, I don't really remember much about this show, it's characters, storylines or any of that business. I just remember watching it. That's it.

I suppose you're a little disappointed now; probably expecting some kind of...something. A rant, or some bit of non-sequiter, ADD-type mania-in-a-post that'll make it worth your time reading this before you continue on with your day. Sorry. I got nuthin today.

Could be the weather - which is rainy and dreary and so wonderfully dank so as to crush without mercy any hope of a bright, cheery, shirtified day.

Ugh. Reduced to commenting on the weather. This party is definately over...

All work and no play, you know...

Hello from the internet!

The Shirtmaster has been on a serous jag of...ummm...seriousness lately, so today we're going lighten things up a bit - that means no talk of injustice, prejudice, mistreatment or cruelty; not a word about genocide, hatred or the immolation of the human spirit through revenge. There will be no irony-laden commentary about Machiavellian cynicism, behavioural inconsistancies or the up-is-down-left-is-right spin that allows people to do bad things while telling themselves they are good things.

So, now that you're all ready for some fun, I have some bad news. All fun for today has been cancelled. Repeat: There will be no fun. Some kind of national security issue, I think.

Just kidding. The Shirt likes to fun around like that from time to time, too. It's just one of the things it does. You see, it has had the same head on for a little while now, and it tends to get bored. So bored that it starts to get a little flaky; making bandana-cream pies, painting racing stripes on it's lawnmower, stuff like that.

I know, I know. Sounds a little wacky. Maybe more than even wacky - daffy, perhaps!

The flipside of the hand (AKA: On the other coin...)

Heya Shirtfans,

Today we bring you another self-professed speaker for the people! I know how much that excites the lot of you, so I'll wait patiently here while you go change your pants.

"Row, row, row your boat/Gently down the stream..."

Okay, so this time, we have what is known as a 'lefty;' they also are known (depending on your circle) as 'liberals' or 'pinko commies.'

Now, this particular 'lefty' has built something of a reputation of being the loudmouth of his side of the political/ideological fence. His documentaries and writings are as full of rhetoric, spun facts and idea as any of his counterparts on the right. The main difference is that instead of attacking what he has to say, the main counter (by many, not all of course; there is intelligent commentary on the right) is that he is a 'fat idiot.'

Good comeback, guys. Do you want to try and take his lunch-money now?

Regardless of your political stripes, all should enjoy today's Shirting...

Yet another rant

History is weird.

There's seems to be this tendancy in people to always try and remember the best about a deceased person, regardless of other (possibly huge) indiscretions.

And today's Daily Shirt is an example. Typically regarded as a statesmen of statesmen, this guy actually had some pretty huge gaffs to his credit. So, in the interest of balance:

Let's see...first recorded authorisation of the use of poison gas on civilians (a note; logistically, it's highly unlikely that this use actually happened, but the authorisation of it's use speaks volumes) against - surprise, surprise - occupied Iraq in 1920.

Overseeing Britain's return to the gold standard in 1924, this return brought with it deflation and unemployment throughout the country, and led ultimately to the infamous general strike of 1926.

He was an early (mid-20's) supporter of Mussolini's facism, seeing it as a bulwark against the dreaded communist revolution (lesser of two evils, you say? Didn't quite work out like that...)

Was he a monumental speaker and rallier of the people? Definately. Did he not get the British through one of the darkest periods of modern British history? Without a doubt.

But the point of today's Daily Shirt is that niceties and revisionist history do us all a disservice. Correcting the mistakes of the past in history books (or omitting them all together) only leads to confusion about how we got to where we are, and what methods might work to get us out of the current mess.

So, here's to you, today's Daily Shirt - for better AND worse...

It does not matter which way you vote. Either way your planet is doomed

Well now, it appears we here at The Daily Shirt jumped the gun by about six weeks, when we featured Dear Leader on Shirty. We always suspected that the Shirt might have some sort of future-predicting powers and this goes none of the way to confirming that.

"The World Just Got A Little Scarier," declares one local paper's front page. "World Decries Bomb Test," says another's headline.

Let's see. You're in a wonky part of town, and up shambles some person who looks to be a few percent sort of weapons-grade uranium. They tell you they have a gun. Being that you've already got an off-putting feeling about this person, do you really need to see it to believe the threat? This, friends is where we're at. No further. The world knew back in 2002 that North Korea was nuclear capable. The only thing that happened this weekend is that we saw the gun that we already suspected to be there.

Now that the Shirtmaster has gotten that off of his chest, let me tell you about the awesome omelette that I made this weekend. It was truly a work of art...if you're Picasso. And the colours and shapes weren't too far off either...

Anyway, here's today's Daily Shirt - seemingly coming from a place with far more sense then ours. Perhaps we can learn from their cynical, drooling, tentacled ways...

The titleless title

Not a word of a lie, I got more negative feedback about today's Daily Shirt than any other we've helped with Shirty so far.

Now, I'll grant that this famous face is haunting. It represents a time and place that, honestly, aren't generally associted with happy thoughts (unless you consider the American proxy war again the Soviet Union in the 80's, the war that was the final nail in the coffin of bankrupcy for the USSR and communism in that country as 'happy').

I understand that folks typically don't like the no-eyes thing. And coupled with an already eerie head...

Though the usual crew liked it, most everyone else who walked by, visibly made the attempt to not have to look at Shirty at all.

With such a distinct reaction, how on earth are we gonna top this one?

Comedic clergy

Today's Daily Shirt was a English comedic actor... and no, it's not Tony Blair; he's already been on the shirt, anyway...

Shirty's head goes way back (and I mean 'way' as in far, not 'whey' as in watery part of milk that seperates from curds in cheesemaking - but you might have alread deciphered that from the spelling...though one can never be too sure on the netweb... ); how far back, you might (or might not) ask? Pretty darn far. That's how far. Matter of fact, Shirty's head has been dead going on nigh 29 years. That's longer than the internet's been alive...so long as you don't count that pre-internet that those NASA folks were using.

Anyway, here are a few clues: He's known for his distinctive moustache (no, it's not that Magnum PI guy), his funny hat (nope, not the pope) and his 'vagrant' character (no, not that uncle who refuses to put down that Xbox controller and get a job).

Eat your veggies!

Not much to say about today's Daily Shirt - just that he might just be the strongest cartoon character ever. I said cartoon character, not superhero. Get it straight, bucko...

And, in a way, he's a hilarious metaphor for drug use. No, I'll grant that his particular type of 'personality enhancement' wasn't quite the same, but if his instant flip-out at the moment of ingestion isn't some kind of 1930's inside joke, than I'll have to find some other explaination for this and why the walls are bleeding.

But anyway...what was I saying?

A whole in Juan

Yes, yes, I know...the Daily Shirt wasn't updated yesterday. What are you gonna do? Stop coming? We both know that's not an option. You're hooked like a heroin addict who gets hooked on methadone to get off the junk, and then takes up smoking to get off the meth... It's a vicious cycle; I post, you read and then the more you read, the more I need to post, and it becomes a classic co-dependent relationship...

Aren't addictions fun? For someone who needs some stablilty in their lives, an addition might just be what they're looking for. It helps create a routine - something they can count on in this hurly-burly, topsy-turvey, upside-down flint-rubble bubble cake world of ours.

But be warned, too much of anything, while possibly a lot of fun and generally quite enjoyable - is not good for you! It's not. Really. No matter how good you might feel afterward. No matter how many great associations you might make with the experience. It's just not worth the eternal hellfire and off-key lounge singing...



(Disclaimer: This post does not advocate the development of addictions - coming from an ex-smoker, they can really be a giant pain. But some of them, like golf, might be tons of fun. Who knows?)