Something to sink your teeth into

What's going on, Shirtentologists?

It's riddle time!

What one thing is a bull, nurse, tiger, angel, carpet, whale, dog, cow, rough, prickly, saw, horned, ground, requiem, cat, makrel goblin, megamouth, leopard, frill, arrowhead?

No, it's not a bullnursetigercarpetwhaledogcowroughpricklysaw-opotomus.

Nor is it a hornedgroundrequiemcatmakrelgoblinmegamouthleopardfrillarrowhead-asauraus.

Why, it's today's Daily Shirt!



(Yeah, I know; that question requires a little bit of intellectual dishonesty for it to work. Sorry. Needed to blogify - and quick, today - so that's the best I can do... But if it makes you feel any better, Shirty itself is pretty upset about being the star of such a crappy post. Sometimes a Shirtmaster just can't win...)

K-K-Kramer

A quick Daily Shirt update today, with another Shirting-As-Reprimand (as has so often been the case as of late).

As you might be able to tell from the title of this post, today's Daily Shirt was tactless enough to not keep his prejudices to himself, and drop a few n-bombs in mixed company recently.

Not only is that simply bad karma and a dramatically dishonourable way to live your life, but if you're a public figure, it's career suicide. And for one such as today's Daily Shirt, who's career is pretty well based on one character that he was lucky enough to play for a few years, this bit of career suicide might prove to be more profound than a Mel Gibson spouting off, for instance.

Time will tell, of course, and people can be awfully forgiving of a familiar face, but this recent episode, aside from giving me a good cultural touchstone cum wag of the finger for Shirty, serves to once again highlight an inherant frailty of the human psyche, celebrity or not.

Don't be hatin', he of the two first names...

Roving Eye

I just got my Shirtmaster report card, and I'm well aware that my punctuality has been slipping as of late. I have no excuse - except for laziness - which, as it turns out, is a pretty good all-purpose excuse. So, I guess I do have one.

Anyhoo, today's Daily Shirt is a little different; instead of picking on someone who's been in the news for some inane reason or another, the Shirt is someone who ought to be in the news alot more lately, but suspiciously isn't.

(Warning: Another Shirty-political-jag coming up)

Well, with the recent U.S. mid-term elections, and reports of more voter chicanery this time out too, the man refered to as "Bush's Brain" (I'm still trying to figure out if that's supposed to be an insult) couldn't fraud out another election, even though, at last count (according to www.electiondefensealliance.org/) there's a discrepency of 3 million votes.

So dude, you get a Shirting for not arranging enough cheating. What a bizarre statement, eh? Not that it's probably going to make much of a difference, but it's nice to see that sometimes a person does get their come-upence.

Does this simple Shirtmaster know that you're behind this? Nope, no proof here. But 'Beltway insiders' do know that you're a major mover and shaker in the world of realpolitik, so it's certainly conceivable that your fingerprints are somewhere to be found.

Enjoy your shirting; you've earned it.

Little angry yellow piece

Today's Daily Shirt is a number of things.

But then again, we all are. We're all someone's child; probably a friend, an employee, a consumer, a fan, a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife...look, right there, there's a ton of examples. And that's not even getting into obvious ones like 'noun,' 'generous,' 'attractive' and myriad other potential adjectives.

But this post is a face on a shirt, has a moustache and thus originally was intended for last week's Theme Week; as well it's a toy and someone's creation.

I found this head where I get most of the others - from Google images - and apparently someone painted this special. So anyway, if you're the one who did it, or if you're with the Lego people (who are a fearsome bunch; you don't want to mess with Lego people. They'll take a little piece off themselves just to stick it up your nose or make you swallow, then you're in trouble) - please don't sue me.

Think of this as a revenue-neutral, cross-platform promotion; a sinergy of win-win...

Wouldn't it be ironic if they delivered the divorce papers?

Big up’s to all the Shirt-peeps (or, Sheeps, to use the nickname-granting formula of the times) out there in Webland!

Today, we gots us a true hip-hop hero, baby-daddy, and soon to be ex-celebrity husband. Probably pretty easy to ‘shout out’ in your head as to who it is, without even scrolling down to see the pic first…which we all know is cheating. And on the street, cheaters end up with ‘caps’ in the bum. I don’t quite know what that means, but the implication is that these ‘caps’ somehow impede normal bodily functions, and that sounds like it could get rather uncomfortable – thus preventing successful ‘chilling.’

‘Back in tha day,’ there was a post on 'the celebrity sidekick,' and as it turns out, spouses of celebrities fall squarely into that category, as long as they fulfil a few key conditions.

1: They had little-to-no chance of attaining their celebrity without said holy covenant (and accompanying holy pre-nup).

2: They insist on forging their own identity in the entertainment world where:

a) they require the spouse for the leverage to do so in the first place
b) are even less talented then their negligibly talented spouse

3: Their relationships are stage-managed by a battalion of publicists, image consultants and various other enablers who inflate a ghastly disproportionate sense of worth of these folks upon consumers of celebrity culture.

So, without further ado, The Daily Shirt presents another in a long, sad, pointless line of soulless creatures for whom the attainment of celebrity and it’s transparently hollowness still retains a strong hold.

Must be the women. And money. And acceptance. As fleeting as that all is…

Ford Tough

Today's Daily Shirt is an old guy.

A really old guy.

And somewhat remarkable in a few respects; not the least of which, being one of but a handful of Earth-dwellers to be Shirted. But that's another apology for another day.

Anywho, I was breakfasting with my local 24-hour news channel, when I see a birthday surprise paraded across my TV screen. He was looking fairly old and infirm, like M.A.S.H. after it turned into "The Alan Alda Personal Drama Extravaganza."

He's also the oldest surviving (former) President of the U.S.!

Or is he?

He was never actually elected, but came on the heels of the Agnew/Nixon resignations. So, he was a Prez, but a kind of a third-choice Prez who was appointed fair and square, with out the population of the 'world's greatest democracy' getting a chance to say what they thought about this, one way or another. Isn't freedom great?!

Nietzsche market

Well doesn’t it just figure; last day of Theme Week on The Daily Shirt, and the Shirtmaster has calamitous problems with general internetulation. It was catastrophic; it was traumatic…and it was rather frightening to realise just how reliant we folks can become on stuff.

But luxury’s becoming banalities is a reoccurring theme throughout history. I mean, look how long people were perfectly happy with a flat Earth. A pancake planet served us just fine. It was a nice, simple shape; explained (the as yet to be figured out concept of) gravity easily enough; and gave various religious authorities a wonderful opportunity for ridicule and persecution…allowing them to perfect those arts which would come in handy in later years.

But no, we had to go and get a round globe.

And everyone was like, “oooh, the Earth is so round. Now we can try and find a ocean passage to China to preserve and even enhance the spice trade, as opposed to traditional overland routes that open us up to bandits.”

Or “oooh, so we can’t fall off the edge of the world if we sail too far out. And while we’re at it, oooh, this globe shape greatly expands the surface area of the earth, and requires that we invent things like latitude, longitude and the this gravity business”

But it could have been worse. Scholars of the period could have been bloggers.

2: Teh P0rtug3s3
From: C. C01umbuzz

Re. Teh w0r1d!

L1k3, OMG!11!1!!! Teh w0r1d iz l1k3 soooooooooo r0und. LOL!!!1!!1 ;)

An’…teh pron! OMG!

Maybe this was the abyss that today’s Daily Shirt was taking about…

Marxist Revolution

Yup...time for another Famous Moustache on The Daily Shirt.

Today, we have a celebration of writers block; that wonderful condition that is a variant on trying to actively remember something specific (where you put your keys or children, for instance) or developing something to say specifically to break silences.

There is simply nothing quite like the exhilaration of sitting at a keyboard, ready for the fingers to furously fly, and then sit there like a head on a shirt. It's such a rush. And by 'rush,' I mean 'drag.'

So here you go, a lame post for what should be a special week of celebration and revelry; I mean golly-gee wilikers, it IS St. Demetrius' Day in Bosnia and Herzrgovina! And if that isn't enough, it's the 111th anniversary of Wilhelm Rontgen's discovery of X-rays! UN Security Council Resolution 1441 on Iraq was passed 4 years ago today! Look how well that worked out!

Nothing, eh? Well, we'll try again on Friday. Here's the shirt...

Quit yer' Stalin

Today's Daily Shirt is an extra-special, super-duper, high-faluttin', dead supreme leader kinda post!

With a famous moustache to boot! In keeping with Theme Week, and all...

And, for added effect, a tie-in to the fact that, today our sly little friends south of the border are pretending that their silly two-party, "you have the freedom to choose, as long as it's one or the other" republic actually cares what the other 99% of income earners think about the job their 'elected' leaders are doing.

Now, the Shirtmaster knows that he's glossing over a lot of history with this post, and that those sensitive about protecting their insular view of history will no doubt take offense and demand that I site reputable references or revoke my keyboard.

But Shiry has a grand sense of irony. And by grand, I don't mean that it's got a thousand dollars worth of irony stached in, say, a trunk down by the ol' wharf. Why? Because that doesn't make a lick of sense.

What I mean is that today's Daily Shirt, all at once cut deals with some very bad people, double-dealed and was double-dealed, and ended up with a mixed-up reputation.

So, without taking days to write, let's just say that common elements like having a hand in defeating the Axis, a nationalist leader relying strongly on patriotism for control and a sizable military presense outside it's established borders make for some interesting parallels.

I trust you can see the irony, comrade...

Impossible to hide that 'stash

Welcome one and some others, to the first post of the first ever theme week on The Daily Shirt. If you missed the special announcement last week, then you most likely didn't get the key code, and thus this next part won't make any sense: selkjnsoivnrn, sldnfwof'lsdnvouw, odnfnwodkwef!

As well, you probably don't know that the theme for this week is The Daily Shirt's Famous Moustaches!

So, today's Daily Shirt has pulled one of those professional transformations that are amusing to watch: He's gone from talk show hack to 'respectable' journalist! Isn't that amazing? If only it were true though. For you see, whilst 'journalist' is a fairly objective term in itself, 'respectable' is less of a widely agreeable conclusion. Is he? Isn't he?

I can't crawl into the man's head with my dynamite and pickaxe, and poke through his grey matter to figure out his deally, but a man who's built his career and persona on sensationalist stories and then moves on over to Fox News to pander to that crowd probably isn't.

But he's got a famous moustache and that fits the criteria, so you'll take a shirting and like it, G!

Special Announcement

Hey there, Shirtaholics!

If you're planning on taking a week off from The Daily Shirt, don't do it next week!

Why? Because next week is the first ever Theme Week on The Daily Shirt!

So keep the kids home from school, bring grandma back from the home and dig up that favourite uncle from 20 years ago, because you (and they) won't want to miss... The Daily Shirt's Famous Moustaches! All next week (except for Thursday)!

Fair and balanced...as long as it's a 'guilty' verdict

There must be something in the water over here in Shirtopolus, for this is the second day in a row that Shirty's chosen to become a crazy blonde lady. But this one is crazy for a whole other set of reasons that our previous Shirty head.

Today's Daily Shirt is a former prosecutor and currently has her own guilty-till-proven-innocent talkshow on that bastion of the 'liberal media,' CNN.

And just a quick scanning of her program leaves little wonder why she isn't still in the courtroom, nostrels flaring, as she wildly proclaims that she and she alone is in possession of the truth, though time and time again is proven wrong (witness, see the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping, as well as that dude who was grabbed for the Ramsey murder from a decade ago).

But, as Nazi propagandist Goebbels proclaimed (and I'm paraphrasing here), one must not be right, one must only be louder than the others. You don't need to know, you simply need to make loud, authoratative proclaimations and people will believe. The bigger the lie, the louder it's shouted, the more often it's repeated, the better the chance that it's believed.

And hence her talkshow. A vehicle to influence public opinion, used irresponsibly as a cynical tool to manipulate a generally frightened and confused public that doesn't understand why bad things still happen in enlightened and free America.

The Vickie Lynn Hogan Show

I try not too be too alarmist in my non-Shirtmaster life, so it's only natural that I try and take that with me into this here blogoglobal world.

That said, there is something seriously wrong with today's Daily Shirt.

I'm at the grocery store; I see the covers and headlines of the magazines. I catch the soundbyte-type headlines on my local 24-hour news channel and seriously, she's a mess.

So, I'm hoping that a good, solid shirting will help her out of the confused mental state that she seems to be stuck in. Though in fairness, from all my past recollections of her, she seems to have something of a histroy when it comes to wonky, head-shaking decisions, outrageous attention-seeking displays and all around dumb celebritisms so perhaps this is par for the course.