Theme Week...ish...

Well then...you know how sometimes you tell yourself that you're going to do something...or start doing something...or get back into doing something...and then you promptly fall back in the same old lazy patterns? Well welcome back to The Daily Shirt!

So here's the deal... I'm going to start - right this very moment...now! - another theme week that I've been kicking around for a little while now, in the hopes that it jump starts more frequent, regular (ha!) posting on Ye Ald Shirt.

You've missed it; I've missed doing it; and the damn shirt just won't shut up about it, so here we go...

And what is this theme week, you might be axing yourself? Well it's none other than...

Rehab Week !!!

And the first honour is bestowed upon a hollywood party girl; she's known to have both a temper AND repeated instances of public nudity back in the days of hitting the sauce; supposedly she's been in some movies or something (I can't think of any, and can't be bothered to go to Wiki to find any); and now she's drying out somewhere...now only getting high on life.

Say hello to The (hopefully more frequent) Daily Shirt!

When the road ahead is rocky...

I know, I know...I'm a very bad Shirtmaster (and blogger).

I really have no good excuse; of course, I can conjure up a ton of lame ones...

I could tell you about how I slipped in the shower and hit my head. This led to 4 weeks of narcolepsy, which, unfortunately for The Daily Shirt, was triggered by logging into blogger.

Or, how I got roped into trying to make the world's largest veggie lasagne. Except I don't like veggie lasagne, and decided to reverse-engineer it into the world's largest cherry pie. That didn't work out so well, so it was lasagne smoothies for everyone!

Then there was the week I spent leaving subversive grafitti in the public restrooms at the White House. (If you see "Roses are red/Violets are blue/If I saw most of my family and friends killed, had my livelihood taken away and I lived in fear of roaming militias/I'd blow stuff up too," you know it's me)...

How about the time I spent hanging out with today's Daily Shirt...well not really. But this post is all about lame excuses. And speaking of which, here's the shirt.

See y'all soon...for real this time!

Try Hard

Well here we finally are; the holiday is upon us, and this of course means that the shirt is almost done with the xmas theme.

And not a moment too soon, either.

You see, we've realised that a theme week is fine; the shirt can indulge a little, and be it's own inside joke. It's all in good, though often times strange, fun.

But this business about month-long a lead-up to the holiday has been taxing on all of us. Pretty well, this recent experience has destroyed any joy that the season might bring for Frank, Red, Lil' E and of course yours truly. It's true. And by true, I mean I can't speak for the others. Ventriloquism is tricky that way.

So, with that, here's the shirt, in keeping with the theme since we're not quitters. Usually.

Gnomes and cauliflower

Something occured to me as I shirtmastered my way into work this morning.

See, around these parts, the big build-up to the shoptacular extravaganza known as the Xmas holiday is the my place of employment/amusement shuts down for darn near two weeks; my co-workers scattering to the ends of the earth in search of riches and artifacts of a by-gone era. But mostly they see family and friends...and hunt gnomes.

But this means that since I, up to this point, have updated The Daily Shirt exculsively from the office, I'm gonna...I'm gonna have to do it from elsewhere. This is troublesome.

Now, like most people, while I have my comforable little patterns, I'm not adverse to changing things up occasionally. But this might just cross the pink, flowered line.

Some places just a certain magic that ceaselessly inspires - for better or for worse. So, I guess what I'm getting at - aside from my disdain for cauliflower (you know were tight, other veggies; but cauliflower, you've got to go) - is that I indeed am apprehensive about quality of the non-workplace Daily Shirt updates.

Well...not really. But it did give me something to write about before revealing the shirt. It's like xmas came early...minus all the hurt feelings.

Sticks or brushes?

Well then, here we are with another holiday Shirt. I for one am getting pretty sick of this theme (much like the holiday itself). But, this blog isn't going to stupid itself - so here be I to help matters along.

Today's Daily Shirt is another 'holiday classic;' and by that I mean a television program not yet 50 years old that indulges in the Judeo-Christian holiday story.

You know the one. Santa, in his stork-driven camel makes his way across the desert following a star (but not understanding astronomy, doesn't realise he's travelling in circles). His job, every Xmas, is to deliver babies and presents to all of the good little adults and children of the world. And some of the bad ones that he doesn't know about. But that's irrelevant. Anyhoo, somewhere along the way, he departs from his usual roundabout and stumbles across a distinctly rhythmic drum pattern. (Legend has it that it was the pattern itself that led Santa astray, but that's a question for the theologists).

Recognising distinctly the cadence of an 11/4 beat, Santa loses all control of his motor skills and starts randomly dropping babies and presents from his magical chariot, despite the precise list of what goes where that Mohammed has prepared.

It's a mess. With the landscape littered with babies and merchendise, Santa comes crashing down in a little town in the Middle East. Dazed and disoriented, Santa does the unthinkable: He randomly gives the Mystical Action Figure of Holy Infinty to the first kid he runs across. And that's the story of Jesus' first G.I. Joe.

And who do we have to blame? Why, it's today's Daily Shirt.

Not the town in Oklahoma, Missouri or West Virginia

Hmmm...still not Xmas yet, eh?

And so it goes, today's Daily Shirt is another of the species Holidayus characterus, a seasonal entity that only makes an appearance for short periods of time and under certain cultural conditions.

1) They only appear from about late November through December.

2) They only appear on television screens; they are never seen 'in person' (as they aren't actually 'persons' - duh!)

3) They require the existence of a market based economy; without which, desire for goods cannot be created, thus undermining the entire genus of Holidayus.

4) Their cultural impact derives from nothing more profound than familiarity and habit. Some of these creatures go back decades, and require that exposure to them starts young, so as to appeal to multiple generations.

These are just a few of the characteristics of the species. More specific species modifiers (like whether they melt when exposed to heat, or if they leave giant, often comically proportioned footprints) will be specific to the specimen.

Here it is...

Dental Dwarf

Today's Daily Shirt got this Shirtmaster is a pot of ridicule, when I wasn't quite able to place the face.

"Where have I been at Xmas time?" asked one.

"What kind of weirdo doesn't remember this?" ponders another.

Well, I'll tell you.

First, not watching this stuff.

And second, me.

Now, in reality, the head does look familiar, and after a little memory refreshment, I did remember - vaguely - what these strange people with all these fond memories of today's Daily Shirt were talking about. But there's a valuable lesson here. People shouldn't go around making fun of those who are different from them, because they might end up with their desk drawers glued shut.

Hey, can I borrow your stapler (heh, heh, heh...)