Speculation as truth: Lies in the service of efficency

Well, today is another one of those days where, honestly, I don't know much of anything about Shirty's head.

Sorry, I'm just not a fan of daytime talk shows - aka celebrity-mongering - as you can probably tell by now. Unless, of course, this is your first visit to The Daily Shirt. In which case, of course you wouldn't know this. How can you know something that you don't know? A knowable unknown, as our friend Rummy (from yesterday) is wont to say...

So, in place of "verifiable facts" and "research," we're just gonna make some stuff up. I think that today's Daily Shirt shirt was born in a rickshaw in Paris, to a nuclear physicist/shadow-puppeteer mother and table-tennis champion father (who, by the way, couldn't pronounce vowels). Her childhood was punctuated social unrest; at 7 she formed a neighbourhood union for her peers, demanding better chore conditions, and she championed a 26% raise in allowances for the neighbourhood over a 5 year period. For her efforts to improve the lot of kids everywhere, she was honoured with a fast-track through the awkward teenage years, spending only 3 of a possible 7 teenage-years as an actual teenager. Known for always wearing an old television on her head in her youth, she was a natural to host her own exhibition of synchophantic behaviour, which is exactly what happened.

And that's the real story that People Magazine doesn't want you to know. Enjoy!