The elevator at the Paris Hilton doesn't go all the way to the top

Congratulations on surviving to today! That's quite the accomplishment! We're all proud of you!

Further to the topic of hard work and accomplishment, you might have guessed by the title of this post that today's face is the simplest life of them all, Paris Hilton (and if you didn't manage to guess that, are you certain that you should be driving on the internet by yourself??).

Now, Paris has been kicking around for awhile now, and it's just today that she's making it onto the blogulator. If you're asking yourself 'really? What gives?' I can assure you that you ARE alone when you think that, and should consider having that looked at. Anyway, it's just that there's been such an abundance of facial transformation lately that, well, she just kept getting pushed back, and pushed back - much the inevitability of the social collective's realisation that Paris Hilton's new hand bag has precisely zero relevance to anything beyond that one grey-matter-rotting second when you can actually feel that brain cell die from simply dedicating a moment to the consideration of Paris Hilton's new bag.

However, according to the e-mail I just received, Paris got a rolex and apparently I need to get one too. Finally...something important...

(Disclaimer: I have no idea if Paris Hilton actually has a new bag. Really, I don't. If that got you all excited, I apologise for the false start. But I'm sure that someone famous will have something new to gawk at soon enough, so just keep checking Yahoo news.)